Are they laughing *with* you, laughing *at* you, or just trying to tear you down?

On katagelasticism, schadenfreude and tall poppy syndrome.

You know those serendipitous occasions where you learn about a niche concept, and then somehow come across it twice in one day?

That’s what happened to me on the weekend, and it felt like being slapped in the face with a German dictionary (this will make more sense later).

First, I was working through an online course about Psychosocial Risk Management (as you do!) — specifically, a module about workplace bullying.

The tutor, Professor Alan Patching, referenced a former student of his who was doing a PhD on “katagelasticism,” which weirdly has nothing to do with a woman called Kate eating a gelato in an intergalactic setting.

Rather, it’s a German term for a psychological condition in which a person excessively enjoys mocking or laughing at others (yes, the Germans truly have a term for everything!)

Now, let’s be honest, we’re all guilty of having a chuckle at those dumb ‘fail’ videos, or when someone trips over in an embarrassing way (after we’ve checked that they’re okay, of course!)

Katagelasticism isn’t that. People with this condition (or, perhaps we call it a ‘demeanour,’ since it isn’t actually listed in the DSM-5, as far as I can tell) tend to actively set up situations wherein the can laugh at other people’s expense. Think, the sadistic bullies in Never Been Kissed conspiring to dump dog food on Josie’s friend Aldys at the prom.

Patching likened it to another, slightly better-known German phrase: Schadenfreude — the pleasure we take in another person’s misfortune. Now, this phenomenon is a little less Machiavellian, and a little more… just human nature.

You’re not masterminding a situation where you can point and guffaw at someone. You’re just giving yourself a little internal high-five when that irritatingly self-righteous colleague gets reprimanded at work. And normally, it’s a more internalised process — you’re keeping that sh*t to yourself.

Later that night, when I was reading Elise Loehnen’s On Our Best Behaviour: The Price Women Pay To Be Good — specifically, the section about envy — I came across schadenfreude again (it seems katagelasticism was maybe a little too niche). Loehnen writes:

[Schaudenfreude] runs rampant in our culture, as it has across time. We want to see people brought down to their appropriate size; we would rather feel superior to our peers than inferior. We don’t want to see them die or anything, just put in their rightful place, right below us. We don’t want others to have what we want so badly. We feel better about ourselves when they fail to get what they want too — or when we lose it.”

While Loehnen doesn’t label it by name, she hits on another important concept mentioned by Patching in the bullying module: Tall poppy syndrome. While it happens everywhere, the term originated in Australia and New Zealand — where becoming ‘too big for your boots’ is practically a crime.

Whether we’re laughing in someone’s face or just silently reveling in their misfortunes, we love to see people fall from grace. And that’s especially true of people we put on a pedestal as being ‘better’ than us — we strive to cut them down to size in any way we can.

Why do we laugh at other people’s expense?

Look, it feels good to laugh. It feels even better to laugh in the company of other people, who are also laughing. And, when it comes to making other people laugh at your joke? Well, that may as well be pure ecstasy.

Gossiping about other people is also a bonding experience, and it has been for thousands of years. So, when you combine those two things, it’s not hard to see why people laugh at others behind their backs as a bid for connection and community with the people around them (or, simply because they think it makes them look cool).

Then, of course, this behaviour also ties into the broader female expression of envy, scarcity and shame. In a section aptly titled “How dare she?” Loehnen writes:

“We are quick to wholesale reject wanting in ourselves. And we’re equally quick to monitor and police it in each other. We do this through ad hominen attacks (She’s bad), snide remarks (What did she have to do to get that?) and finger-pointing (She broke the rules.)….

Typically, envy comes out wrapped in cruelty and masked as opinion. It presents in perverted and unconscious ways, disguised in attacks against other women: women who don’t seem so constrained.”

Even if you think “What? How could they possibly be envious of me? They’re cool and put-together, and I’m dorky and weird”… there’s still a good possibility they’re resentful of you for having the audacity to be unabashedly yourself while they’re busy suffocating in their own shame and conformity.

How can you make sure other people aren’t laughing about you behind your back?

The short answer: you can’t. Unless you’re unlucky (or lucky? Depends how you look at it) to be in that situation where someone tries to share your Instagram content with their friend, but actually sends it to you with the message “How embarrassing! Who does she think she is? And WTF is she wearing?”

The reality is, people might laugh at you — whether you’re aware of it or not. Actually, scratch that — there’s a 99.9% chance someone is going to laugh at you behind your back about something at some point. So, you may as well just do what you want.

And, if all else fails, do what influencer Gabi Hartman ‘The Margot test.’

@um.gabi

Gabi on Instagram: "The Margot test"

The thing you’re considering doing… would Margot Robbie share it with her friends in the DMs and say “WTF is she doing?” No! Because she’s too busy being her beautiful, talented and graceful self. The only people who laugh cruelly at others are the ones who have nothing better to do… and, it’s safe to say their opinion is on a similar tier to that pet food from Never Been Kissed.